Will I ever like myself in photos?
Hey! It’s Prisca!
As I prepared to write my first blog post for Mary Breuer Photos it came to mind that I should share a recent post from my personal insta. So I’ve copied it below.
BUT, before you read it I want to add something. Something that’s not shared in it but I want to share with you. If you’ve been in for a shoot since June 2019 you’ve probably met me. If not I hope to meet you soon.
I’m a bit of a lurker. A camera that comes in during hair and makeup and follows you to your photoshoot. It’s the nature of my job as I capture behind the scenes. As Mary coaches you through you photoshoot - it’s a workout, especially if you’re doing boudoir - your connection and focus with Mary builds.
I hope I disappear. I hope you don’t notice me at all. I slide up and then back away but you focus on Mary.
I see a whole world that you don’t see. You see yourself most often through the mirror. Mary sees you through a photography lens. I see you through video.
That means I see motion. I’m watching you as a whole person. Waiting for a perfect sequence of movement either naturally or quite often as Mary helps you pose.
And I’m not judging. I’m finding out who you are as a person and when I go to edit I’m trimming to the most memorable part of your essence.
And I hope it makes you cry tears of happiness. I hope it makes you love yourself. I hope you see the beauty others see. That I see. I hope if it’s a family shoot you hug your family a little tighter knowing what treasure you posses.
So you could say because of the nature of my work it’s a little easier for me to love myself. You see I have so much love and compassion and admiration for each person who bravely steps outside of their comfort zone with Mary. I’ve had a crash course in exposure to self love through my work and many of you have been an inspirational part of that.
Today, if you’re feeling yourself, letting go of self hatred like I was in my insta post, or crying over your body it’s okay. We’re on a journey and when you are a part of the MBP experience know that we are welcoming you and loving you body and soul.
~ Prisca
Have you ever looked at a sequence of photos someone took with their cellphone and not hated yourself in at least one - if not multiple - perhaps even all of them?
Well today I downloaded some photos a friend sent me of a small backyard party I had this year. I’m going to cherish the moments she captured of my friends and family forever.
But dang she took a lot of me! Once upon a time I would have cringed through each photo. I would have hated my body. I would have grit my teeth that while I was feeling great that day I clearly looked ugly and others saw the ugly full body of me.
I assure you I’d been doing this self hatred routine towards myself via photos since about 10 years old.
But today it never happened. Every single photo I loved myself, I didn’t judge myself or my face expression or my arms or belly. I saw a happy connected me living my best life with loved ones. And I loved her.
It’s a mental game against self hatred ladies and gents. Because I didn’t look model worthy in the photos, I just loved myself while looking at them.
I want to share how I may have got to this point.
1. Be in more photos. Allow your friends to take them of you and release your desire to control how you look in every one. It normalizes seeing myself the same way seeing yourself in a mirror does. And over years you appreciate photos you use to hate. You realize you’re glad you took a photo. Speak kind words to your photo you. Like a friend.
2. Follow body positive plus sized women on social media. It will change your brain to see their happiness and self love. I swear.
3. Catch yourself. That inner mean girl? As soon as she talks call her on it. As if she was bad mouthing a good friend in front of you. And then speak love to your friend (yourself).
And maybe today it helps that I’ve been fighting a cold. My lungs are so important to me. While I’m feeling sick it’s lovely to remember the good feeling of earlier this summer.
For whatever reason this is an amazing feeling of being perfectly happy in your body even seeing it in photos. I wish the same for you ❤️